If Videogames Can Teach Children to Shoot Guns, They Can Also Teach Them to Fly Fighter Jets: Bogey Dead 6

Dear US Air Force,

I have played through a copy of the videogame Bogey Dead 6 (1996), and would like to be considered a candidate for your exclusive Top Gun fighter pilot school as popularized by the movie of the same name.

I realize that playing the licensed Top Gun videogame based upon the real deal, the 1986 movie starring Tom Cruise, would better serve to qualify me for contention, but I am sure that the US Air Force is equal in its opposition towards enemy threats that include Communists and international crime organizations amassing a military-sized force, just as depicted in the Playstation jet fighter simulator Bogey Dead 6.

In addition, I have played many other videogames that attest to my prowess as an ace fighter pilot: I have completed flight school in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and performed a barrel roll in StarFox. If any prospective duties call for me to serve in outer space, I have completed many levels of Asteroids as well as Lunar Lander, should there be a need to land a space ship deep within the caverns of the moon.

My ability to handle pressure while taking enemy fire is proven by my ability to dodge enemy bullets in Raiden, just so long as they remain slow-moving orbs that are uniformly colored orange. As well, since I am equally proficient at using the Playstation and Xbox controllers, I will be comfortable in the cockpit of a billion dollar fighter jet so long as your technology utilizes thumbstick control.

I prefer the F-35 because it has a place where I can put my drink.

I personally don’t have any practical experience at flying, least of all a fighter jet, but if the media has taught us anything, it’s that videogames can teach its players valuable skills usable in the real world.

As responsible adults who believe everything you read, I am sure you have heard of the media theory which demonizes videogames as a bad influence, but if videogames can teach bad skills, they must certainly be able to teach valuable skills of benefit to society.

So if videogames can teach players how to properly use guns, they can also teach them to be race car drivers, espionage agents, and ninjas, which coincidentally are other professions that I have also sent out letters of proposal for, as long as we are being honest with each other.

I have settled upon becoming a jet fighter pilot because I think it would be a more rewarding profession than a rollercoaster tycoon, the mayor of a simulated city, or to serve as the god to a lower caste of idol-worshipping simians. The pay might not be as good, but the explosions are a nice side benefit.

I look forward to working with the US Air Force to put my immense talent to use, but would like to first like to make a small demand: to provide me with the right amount of immersion, I would like to request 80’s rock music with distorted guitars as the musical accompaniment to my saving the world.

sincerely,

pithany

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How far I got in 15 minutes: I have no idea how to shoot missiles and attack enemy aircraft in this game, but I’m assuming there will be a tutorial when I join the US Air Force
The good: So much cock rock
The bad: no volleyball competition means no reason to take your shirt off
Will I play this game again once the year is over: No. I’ll be flying real fighter jets by then, if media logic is as consistent as it is insistent
Days so far in the Year of the Play-a-DayStation: 29